Sideswipe Oneshots and Short Stories
by The Official Demonator
Summary: Fics based on Sideswipe's many pranks, jokes, or embarrassments. Summary for Chapter 13: "After watching Jillian use Cruise Control on her car, Sideswipe comes up with a sweet way to ride that the cops aren't going to like." OCs in some chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: "Sideswipe thought it would be a good joke if he pretended to be a part of an Air Traffic Control Tower staff. Too bad he didn't consider the consequences."_

**Please note that this is alternate universe and takes place during a time when the B-2 was still fairly new. Also, I'd like to say that this is a real story based on an ATC controller who actually played a little joke like this.**

**The idea of Sideswipe instead of the actual ACT controller was my idea. xD So, not all credit goes to me.**

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><p>"Alright, listen up everybody," A man in formal wear yelled. Everybody calmed down in the ATCT (Air Traffic Control Tower) and waited for his next words. Sideswipe sat close by, pretending to be a part of the staff. So far, he had convinced everybody there that he was new and had been recently hired, and so far, it was still in effect. "We just got word that an undisclosed number of B-2 Stealth Bombers will be crossing our airspace. They will check in as they enter and check out as they leave. Be prepared for their radio contact."<p>

Everybody looked around at each other. Some had grins and others looked concerned. These new stealth aircrafts dropped both nuclear and conventional bombs. Both fascinating and devastating.

When the man left, that's when Sideswipe smirked. This was going to be interesting. As he got into his assigned position, which was to greet the B-2s when they arrived, he waited patiently. Finally, a male voice emerged. _"UAE area, this is USAFB2. This is a courtesy call advising that we are about to enter your airspace."_

Sideswipe tried to hide his smirk to seem more professional. He cleared his throat before activating a switch that would allow him to make contact back. "USAFB2, welcome to UAE Airspace. We have you on radar 200 miles out over LOTUS. Hope you enjoy your visit!"

Without much thought, the pilot replied. _"Thank you, UAE. It's a pleasure to be... wait- you got us on radar? 200 miles out? You shittin' me_?"

"That's affirmative, USAFB2," Sideswipe smirked. "I'm shittin' you. Enjoy your visit!"

A few employees in the tower chuckled and some laughed full-heartedly. One final chuckle came from the B-2 pilot before contact ended. Sideswipe grinned triumphantly at his joke. It never got old.

The sound of an agitated clear of the throat made Sideswipe swallow hard, his grin vanishing. He turned around in his spinny-chair slowly, expecting the worst..

and the worst was what he got.

Ironhide stood there, arms folded, giving a death glare that could kill anybody who dare stare back for too long. Sideswipe smiled meekly, "Uh, hey.. um, _Jim_." He used the Weapons Specialist's codename as he looked around nervously. The head commander of the ATC stood not too far behind, arms folded as well, looking just as agitated. Sideswipe looked back at Ironhide. "Let me guess.. brig, right?"

Ironhide growled and lunged a hand towards Sideswipe, grasping his arm tightly and pulling him to his feet. "_Close_," he replied venomously, "but I believe a more _proper_ punishment is in order for this one."

"Aw, man," Sideswipe groaned as he allowed himself to be dragged away.

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><p><strong>For those of you who didn't understand, the B-2 is a STEALTH bomber, meaning it shouldn't be detected on radar at all. xD Sideswipe was just screwin' with the pilot. :P<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews, guys! :)**

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><p>Robert Epps and Will Lennox walked side-by-side down through the base. Rob nudged Lennox with his elbow. "So, I heard Sideswipe met some chick and was staying over her place last night?"<p>

Will snorted. "If she had any brains, she wouldn't have even let him near her house," he replied.

Rob shrugged, "Hey, Sides may be a little bit of an immature son of a bitch, but he _knows_ how to get what he wants if he wants it bad enough."

Will rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. "Yeah, whatever you say, Rob. Speaking of the Devil," he smirked as Sideswipe's holoform met up with them. "Hey, Sides, how was last night with shit-for-brains?"

Sideswipe smirked back at that. "Wow, glad you think so highly of your daughter, Lennox."

Will frowned deeply. "Not funny, you asshole."

"Neither is a broken condom," Sideswipe retorted. "_Grandpa_ Will."

Will glared furiously, clenching his fists, as Sideswipe walked away with a triumphant grin smeared across his face and Rob fell to the ground, clutching his mid-section while laughing hysterically.


	3. Galloway Part 1

**Quick Author's Note: Demonator is my OC and she is paired with Ratchet. Check out my story, Demonator, if you'd like! :D**

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><p>"Come on, Will!" Sideswipe groaned, trying his best to keep up with the smaller soldier. For being about nine feet shorter than the mech, Lennox was a <em>fast <em>walker. "Just _do_ something about him!"

"Sorry, Sides," Will shook his head, stopping to look up at the mech. "I can't just complain about how Galloway runs things."

"I'm sure there's more ways to handle it than _complaining_," Sideswipe rolled his optics, folding his arms as he glared down at the small human male.

Will glared back, "I'm not beating the shit out of him, either."

"Pft," Sideswipe waved a hand as if to shoo away a fly. "I can do that myself. I'm fifteen feet tall, four-thousand pounds and there's _two_ of me."

"Don't bring your brother into this," Will warned, continuing to walk again.

Sideswipe followed. "Why?" He growled. "He's just as pissed as I am. We're both sick of hearing the little squishy complain all the time about how things work here. Not only that, but he's putting himself in a _lot_ of our private lives."

"What are you talking about?" Will asked, passing him a look of disbelief. "I've never heard a single mech or femme on this base complain about invasion of privacy."

"Oh yeah?" Sideswipe growled, stopping to fold his arms. Will did the same, for the sake of listening. "How about _yesterday_ he walked in the med bay without permission to _be_ in there-"

"So?" Will interrupted with a shrug. "A lot of other people do it without permission."

"Let me finish," The silver 'Bot snapped. "He walked in just to complain to Ratchet that he's sick of us 'alien monstrosities' reproducing on what he claimed to be _his_ planet. He nearly _screamed_ at Ironhide and Chromia for their sparkling, and a few mechs had to stop Demonator from making him her new table _centerpiece_ because he bitched to her about _her_ sparkling that's currently on the way, too!"

"Look," Will shut his eyes tightly with a sigh. "I'm not a member of the Galloway Fan Club either, believe me, but there's nothing _I_ can do. I'm sorry if he's ticking you off, but you have to control yourself. _Don't_ do anything stupid, Sides. Don't."

"Whatever," Sideswipe shook his head with a grumble. "I got it. I won't do anything stupid."

"Good," Will nodded. "I'm sorry. I wish there was something more I could do."

"Don't worry about it," Sideswipe sighed and waved. "I'll see you later, then." Will nodded before continuing to walk away. "Well," Sideswipe smirked to himself after the Colonel was gone from sight. "I never said I wouldn't do anything at all.."

With that, he walked away to find a place to think of a strategy.

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><p><strong>This is part 1 of 2!<strong>


	4. Galloway Part 2

**Thanks for the reviews! Hope this is good!**

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><p>Galloway sighed as he walked up to his car; a dark blue Aston Martin V12 Vanquish. Just recently bought, it was his first stick-shift vehicle. He was a proud owner, but he knew he still needed to get used to it. So far, he'd had little experience driving it, which meant there was still a lot to learn and even more patience required.. something he really didn't have.<p>

As he climbed in the driver's side, he pushed down on the clutch and started it up. After backing out of his parking spot, he sped off in the forward direction towards the road.

When he got everything in the right gear and was cruising smoothly, he turned on the radio to his desired station and turned up the volume. The tune itself was a rather _happy_ one for somebody as impatient and rude as Galloway.. but to his surprise, the station suddenly changed and no matter how many times he pressed other buttons, the radio did _not_ shut off and it didn't change stations.

With a sigh that sounded more like an annoyed growl mixed with a puff of air, he flicked his turn signal on and pulled over. Coming to a stop, he fiddled with the radio. The song that played almost sent chills down his spine.

_'Cause I've been finding out where you've broken in,  
>And I will take you out, when I close you in.<em>

_I'm killin' them all  
>I put my soul on the line.<br>I purify sins  
>that I committed in life.<em>

_I'll follow them all  
>and I'll be bringin' them down.<br>Wherever they go,  
>I'm right behind.<em>

_There's nowhere to go;  
>your head on the line.<br>There is no rope,  
>you're running out of time.<em>

_So where will you go,  
>when I will murder you so?<em>

"What the _hell_-" Galloway muttered to himself, desperately trying to shut the damned radio off _somehow_, but nothing was working. Suddenly, without warning, the car lurched forward.. and to his horror, the gears shifted by themselves before his eyes. Almost as if they were being controlled by some.. invisible being! "Woah!" He yelled frantically as the car continued to gain speed. He gripped the steering wheel, turning it sharply to avoid hitting other cars while continuously stomping on the brake.. but it didn't work! "What is going on here!" Galloway screamed as other drivers began to honk at him for 'his' dangerous driving.

As if things couldn't get any worse, familiar red and blue flashing lights, followed by a loud siren, were seen in the rear-view mirror.. and.. as if his car really did hate him, Galloway felt the Aston Martin fall back into his control and he braked the vehicle while pulling off to the side so he could at least _explain_ to the officer about what happened.

Keeping his hands tight on the wheel, Galloway's anxious eyes remained glued to the rear-view mirror as he watched the cop get out of his car after a few minutes of sitting there. Galloway rolled his window down, watching traffic pass until the officer stood right there next to him.

"Officer, let me explain-"

"I need to see a license," The officer interrupted seriously.

Galloway stuttered for a brief second, "Please, I-"

"_License_," The cop snapped. "Don't make this difficult for me. License first; explanation later."

With a defeated sigh, Galloway lifted his rear off the seat and fished for his wallet in his back jeans pocket. Opening the wallet, he pulled out the driver's license and handed it to the cop. After examining it for a minute, the cop handed the card back and Galloway took it quickly. "Officer, this is a new car. I'm not used to driving stick-shift just yet, so I apologize for the speeding-"

"I'm letting you off with just a warning," The cop interrupted again, earning a glare from Galloway.

"I don't _need_ a warning!" Galloway snapped, losing his cool. "_You_ need to learn how to be a real cop and track down some real criminals! What, do you honestly have _nothing_ better to do? This is outrageous! A damn _warning_? That's what you pulled me over for? Just to waste my time so you could give me a _damn warning!_"

As Galloway ranted on and on, the cop's eyes drifted to the smaller back window of the car.. and squinted his eyes in suspicion at what he saw. Despite how dark the window was tinted, he was still able to see the faint neon-blue glow.

"I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the vehicle so I can search it, sir," The officer said gently. Galloway noted where the cop was looking and slowly, the liaison turned his upper torso around to look in the back seat. He blinked and his eyes widened.. he knew that that was.. it could only have come from _one_ thing. Glaring in fury, Galloway began a new rant.

"Oh, just _wait_ until I get my hands on whoever did this!" He growled.

"Sir! Get _out_ of the car!" The cop's voice got louder and his tone was more vicious.

Galloway pointed a finger at him angrily, "We're done here."

"Do not move this car," The officer warned, taking a step back slightly as his hand touched his gun.

"You'll be receiving a nice letter from the President of the United States, Officer," Galloway snapped.

He then shifted the car into gear. Of course, something happened along the way and instead of going forward, the gear shift slid backwards, putting the car in reverse. Before the Liaison could do anything at all, the car sped backwards and sure enough, the bumper of the Aston Martin met the bumper of the police cruiser.

With a wheeze, the Aston Martin stubbornly shut off and refused to turn back on.

Slowly, but obviously angered, the officer walked back up to Galloway's window and leaned forward. "You _might_ want to get out of the car, now."

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><p>Will shook his head, staring past the bars that belonged to one of the brig's cells. "What did I tell you about stupid pranks, Sides?"<p>

Sideswipe shrugged and smiled meekly, "Not to do them?"

Will nodded, "And _this _is why," he pointed at the small, silver mech.

"Yeah, but this wasn't _stupid_. This was _priceless,_" Sideswipe replied, pointing his own finger right back at the Colonel.

"Even if Ironhide's the one who decides how long you get to stay in the brig?" Will asked, his eyes shrouded with disbelief.

"As Sam would say," Sideswipe began, folding his arms with a proud grin, "No sacrifice, no victory."


	5. Chapter 5

**It's short, but serves it's purpose well in my opinion!**

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><p>Sideswipe casually walked into the Autobot hangar and noticed Annabelle, Sarah and Mikaela huddled next to the television. "<em>Oh, slag!" <em>He yelled, activating his cannon immediately. "There's a Decepticon in the room!"

Quickly forgetting about the movie they were watching, the three girls stood up and screamed, running behind Sideswipe for protection. Without a second thought, the silver mech fired at the television.. destroying it beyond repair. Sideswipe nodded in approval and blew the smoke away from the barrel of the cannon. "I got him, don't worry."

"Sideswipe!" Mikaela growled angrily. "That wasn't a damn Decepticon! That was a movie!"

"Wrong." Sideswipe said matter-of-factly, "A Decepticon is defined as 'evil' and 'corrupt' in the Sideswipe Dictionary. You three were watching Twilight, and seeing since Twilight is evil and corrupt, that would make it a Decepticon. With that said, I had to act upon the situation quickly." After a few seconds of the girls just _glaring_ at the sarcastic little twin for a few seconds, Sideswipe grinned big and bright and waved. "Well, you're welcome! Remember: practice safe movie-watching."

Fists clenched, the girls watched him exit the hangar.


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh my god..." Jillian growled as she read the text message across the screen of her cell phone. "I'm gonna kill Sideswipe."

"Why?" Ironhide asked, his holoform getting closer to read the text. "What'd he do now?"

"First, he asked me _'what did the ocean say to the other ocean?'_," she began and then pressed a few buttons on her phone to go to another text. "I told him I didn't know and then he said, _'nothing, they just waved'_... So I laugh.. and the puns just continue. For example, read this-" she held the phone up to him.

He read Sideswipe's text message aloud, "Did you _sea_ what i did there? I'm _shore_ you did." After thinking about it for a second, he finally got the joke and shook his head. "Moron."

"Oh, it gets better," she sighed heavily, going through the texts. "I called him an asshole and he replies with, _'no need to be a beach'._.."

"What did you say to that?" Ironhide asked, not too thrilled that Sideswipe's puns consisted of technically calling her a bitch.

She laughed, to his surprise, "Just to piss him off, I put 'lol'." she quickly looked down at her phone, which had just vibrated, and groaned. "He just asked me, _'so, water you up to?'_."

Ironhide couldn't help but snort. "I'm gettin' the feelin it's never going to end between you two."

"Hopefully he runs out of horrible ocean puns.." she replied while texting the witty Sideswipe back.

"What did you say?" The weapons specialist asked.

She shrugged, "I just told him I was hanging out with you." Ironhide simply nodded and when Jillian's phone vibrate extremely quickly afterwards and she looked at the screen, she nearly threw it against the wall. "I'm gonna shove that phone up his ass. He just said, '_that's cool. I'm just __**tiding**__ up the place down here.'."_ As Ironhide laughed his spark out, she typed up a message angrily.

"What the frag are you gonna reply to that one?" Ironhide smirked. "I'm not gonna lie, the fragger has some good ones."

"I just told him to stop with the lame-ass puns and leave me alone." She smiled triumphantly at herself.

Ironhide could only shake his head. If he knew Sideswipe like he thought he did, the war was only beginning.. and Sideswipe would likely win. No offence to Jillian, but Ironhide knew there was no way in the pit she could compete the sarcastic and cocky practical joker.

"You're going to regret replying to him," Ironhide warned her. "You should've just ignored the punk-ass."

Just as he said that, Jillian's phone vibrated and she quickly opened the message. Her eyes scanned the screen for so long, Ironhide thought Sideswipe had sent an extremely long message. Suddenly, with a loud growl that even scared _him_, Ironhide watched as she slammed her phone down on the table, got up from her chair and stormed out of the room.

Curious, Ironhide stood up from his own seat and bent over the table, reading the text message, which was still opened.

_'I __**whale**__ not.'  
><em>

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><p><strong>Haha, I got this idea from a funny picture of an iPhone conversation and I had to use it for this. :P I could see Sideswipe pissing somebody off with terrible ocean puns!<strong>

**There were a ton more ocean puns, but i didn't wanna piss of poor Jill too much. ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for reviewssss. :)**

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><p>"I demand a rematch!" Sideswipe folded his arms and scrunched up his faceplates like a pouting child. "That was <em>not<em> fair."

Ironhide grunted, shaking his head with a roll of his optics while blowing away the smoke that rose from his cannon. "That was our seventh time. Face it, moron, I'm the weapons specialist and there's nothing you can beat me at. Ever," he leaned down in Sideswipe's face. "Get it through your thick helm, kid."

"Chickenshit." Sideswipe spat.

Ironhide glared. "What did you just- alright, that's it!" Ironhide's cannon brightened drastically and produced a soft hum, indicating it was ready anytime to fire. "Let's go!"

And so, re-activating the targets, they began the battle once more. The rules were simple to follow, but it was actually performing them that was difficult. They both had to perform multiple trick shots, quick-scopes and other stunts before destroying a chosen target. No steady aiming was allowed whatsoever.

And one of the two had to finish shooting fifty targets before the other.

And as the seconds turned into minutes, Sideswipe barrel-rolled and spun 360-degrees before firing his final shot. As Ironhide aimed at his last target, he froze, watching in horror as Sideswipe's last one exploded, sending shards of metal and wood scattering.

And as if the cocky, silver mech's smirk didn't piss Ironhide off enough, the four words Sideswipe triumphantly said sure as_ hell_ did.

"I retire as champion."

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><p><strong>What a bastard. :P I betcha Ironhide didn't like that too much. ^.-<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**So, this chapter is based on a true story (except the Sideswipe part, of course haha) I don't know if any of you have heard, but a few weeks ago, Iran captured one of the United States' stealth drones and kept it. President Obama asked for it back, but the Iranians said no and have mocked the U.S. by producing toy models of the stealth drone which will be sold in stores for $4.**

**And this is how Sideswipe handles situations like this..**

**I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYBODY WHO IS IRANIAN, LIKES IRAN OR IS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST. Just sayin'.**

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><p>Will growled deeply, walking around base as if searching for somebody. Finally, he came across Ironhide and sighed. "'Hide, where's Sideswipe? He's needed."<p>

"For what?" Ironhide grunted. Without giving the Colonel time to reply, he added, "The dumbaft is in the brig, like usual."

"Why?" Will sighed, clearly irritated. "We've got a mission coming up. He needs to get warmed up and _needs_ a weapons assessment."

"Not my problem," the stubborn weapons specialist replied. "I'm not the commander of the Autobots, so talk to Optimus about his release." And then muttering under his breath, the giant walked away.

"_Dammit,_" Will sighed, shutting his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he opened them and then spun around, heading towards Optimus's quarters. When he got there, he knocked loudly on the door and waited. Finally, it opened.

"Will?" Optimus finally questioned, sitting back down behind his massive desk. "What can I do for you?"

"I need Sideswipe," Will began. "Ironass told me he's in the brig and I need him out. Whatever he did, he can do the time later."

"I, and I'm sure Ironhide, would appreciate it if you called him by his real name," Optimus said, but his tone told Will he was trying to hide a chuckle. "I can release him for you. That's not an issue."

Will nodded, feeling relief. "Great. Thanks, Prime." As he turned to leave, he paused. "Uh, what _did_ he do, anyway?"

"I'm sure you know of the stealth drone the Iranian government has confiscated from the United States?" Optimus asked.

Lennox nodded. "And now the Iranians are mocking us by selling toy models of it for about four bucks a piece. Yeah, I know. What does that have to do with it?"

Optimus sighed, shaking his head and Will knew Sideswipe must have done something incredibly dumb. "Sideswipe sent their general a toy nuclear bomb and a map of the Middle East."

Will snorted. "Well, I can understand the toy bomb, but why the map?"

Again, Optimus sighed. "Iran was missing from the map."


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for the reviews! Love you all so much! Here's another quick chapter for ya!**

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><p>Will snorted, shaking his head and staring at the scene a couple hundred feet away from him. Robert Epps joined him, looking at the Colonel. "What's he doin'?"<p>

Will sighed, pointing at the young girl standing in front of Sideswipe's holoform. "You see that chick he's with?"

Epps nodded, "Yeah, that's his human girlfriend, right?"

Will sighed, "He's dumping her."

"How?" Rob asked, knowing the cocky little mech wouldn't be dumping her like a gentlemen.

Will shrugged with a small laugh. "I dunno. I'm just watching. Wish I could hear better, though."

Nodding, Rob turned his body to face Sideswipe and the girl better. The two soldiers stood there watching carefully.

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><p>"So did you bring me here to see the sunset?" the girl asked, looking giddy and giggling, holding his hands in her own as she swayed back and forth, occasionally pushing herself against him.<p>

Sideswipe chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah, something _better_."

"Oh yeah?" She asked with a laugh, putting her arms around his neck. "Like what?"

"Well," Sideswipe began, looking around as if to think. Suddenly, he smiled, his face directing itself at hers so he could look at her. "Wanna see a magic trick?"

Shaking her head, she stepped back from him and rolled her eyes while smiling. Her boyfriend was so cute, and this, she didn't doubt, was going to be one of his cute moments. "Sure, babe."

"**POOF!**" Sideswipe said, snapping his fingers for emphasis. "You're single."


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the reviews!**

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><p>"Officer, can I ask what's going on here?" Optimus' holoform cautiously walked up to the police car, whose lights were still flashing. Prime then glanced over at Sideswipe's holoform, which was leaning against his alternate mode. The Autobot leader took note that his comrade's back bumper was smashed in.<p>

The officer looked annoyed as he continued to write multiple tickets. "You're his boss? That kid over there slammed his brakes in front of me." He ripped one of the tickets off. "I thought it was just a simple accident, but he's sittin' over there tellin' me it's my fault! Said he did it on purpose!"

Optimus turned to face the holoform of Sideswipe. "What's the meaning of this?"

"He was tailgating me!" Sideswipe argued back. "Of course I'm gonna slam my brakes!"

Optimus shut his eyes. "Sideswipe, that is not the way we drive."

"Look, Prime," Sideswipe stood straight. "he had his fair warning." He pointed to his dented bumper. There was a bumper sticker.

Optimus had to squint his eyes to read the crinkled writing that was still somehow attached to the destroyed rear of the car, and when he did, he face-palmed.

_"If you can read this, you're about to be brake-checked."_

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><p><strong>I have this bumper sticker on my truck, Christine, so I HAD to make a small oneshot of Sideswipe having one. :3<strong>

**Hope you like! More coming soon!**

**Also, if anybody gave me ideas, don't worry, I'm workin' on 'em!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Another shorty!**

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><p>Sideswipe watched with boredom as Robert Epps approached him. His facial expression did not look pleased and the Technical Sergeant released an agitated puff of air. It was normal for the human to talk to Sideswipe about his problems, and usually the mech didn't mind.<p>

As a matter of fact, Sideswipe was in a joking mood today, which was probably not the best thing for Rob at the moment.

"You know what _sucks_?" Rob growled, looking over at his metal-friend.

"Vacuums."

Rob raised an eyebrow, then glared. "You know what sucks in a _metaphorical_ sense?"

"Black holes," Sideswipe replied, keeping a serious face. He could almost smell the tension.

Rob growled, getting annoyed all over again and almost forgetting what he wanted to rant to Sideswipe about in the first place. He clenched his fists tightly, wishing the mech wasn't made of metal, or else he'd _surely_ punch him if it meant he didn't have to hurt his own hand in doing so.

"You know what just _isn't cool_?" he hissed through gritted teeth.

"Lava."

With a loud growl, the soldier stormed off, yelling a series of profanity that would put any trucker to shame. Sideswipe just snorted, clearly amused with himself.

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><p><strong>LOL. Had to do this... got this from another iPhone conversation and could definitely see Sideswipe putting this to good use.<strong>

**Thank you for reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12

After watching The War of the Worlds, an un-convinced Ironhide gets a small, but effective, prank by ours truly, Sideswipe.

**For those of you who haven't seen the 2005 movie, The War of the Worlds, you might not get this! **

**If you HAVE NOT seen the movie, listen to this quick sound on youtube. It'll take about 20 seconds! (Do not include the spaces in the address bar)**

http :/ www. youtube. com/ watch?v=jzY099ihULs

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><p>"What is this nonsense?" Ironhide grunted, his eyes fixated on the screen. His arms were folded and his look of disbelief was enough to tell Will Lennox that he wasn't enjoying the movie. The movie was The War of the Worlds, and the scene was when the first tripod began its attack after unleashing a very loud horn.<p>

"This is an awesome movie," Will replied. "Respect it!"

"This is beyond annoying!" Ironhide scoffed. "The machines are very unbelievable and the noise they make is horrendous."

"I think the noise they make is cool," Sideswipe, who was also there with them, as well as a few other soldiers, commented back. "And, they could _totally_ kick our asses! They're more than triple the height we are! With heat rays or something!"

"Bah," Ironhide rolled his eyes, waving his hand. His optics, however, remained glued to the screen.

Sideswipe smirked. So, Ironhide was a non-believer, eh? We'll see about that.

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><p>A couple hours later and the movie was just ending. Ironhide was bickering about how 'outrageously disappointed he was and so on, while Lennox and the others merely rolled their eyes and told him he was crazy for not finding the movie even slightly interesting.<p>

"You know, back in 1938, this was broadcasted all over the radio and people actually thought it was real, so they started killing themselves," Will explained. "They thought Earth was actually being invaded."

"Then they are clearly too gullible!" Ironhide snapped back. "It's unbelievable, is what it is!"

Before he could say anything else and fume any longer at humans' stupidity, a familiar and _extremely loud_ siren that sounded exactly like the one from the movie, pierced the air violently, shaking the nearby hangar just a bit. Before anybody could blink, Ironhide was in a defensive position, his cannons aimed up at the sky, expecting to see a massive machine on three legs. His spark raced.. but.. instead of seeing another breed of extraterrestrial, he saw nothing.

At that exact moment, Sideswipe, as well as the other soldiers who understood what was going on, fell to the ground, clutching their stomachs as they cried with laughter. "Oh, Primus! Way too fragging good!" Sideswipe howled, looking like he was about to cry he was laughing so hard.

"You did that?" Ironhide nearly screamed, putting his cannons away.

Sideswipe snorted, managing to gather himself up, but the other soldiers didn't stop laughing. The silver mech nodded. "I had to, man. I had to."

"Why you _little_," Ironhide didn't even finish. Instead, he let his cannons do all the talking. Spinning to life, they heated red fast, but Sideswipe was already speeding away, leaving a trail of dust behind. "You better run, you little slagger! Just _wait_ until I melt a new hole in that aft of yours!"

Will and the others could only watch as Ironhide took off for the little prankster, tears still in their eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

**After watching Jillian use the Cruise Control on her car, Sideswipe comes up with an idea the cops aren't going to like.**

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><p>"So <em>why<em> am I driving you places again?" Jillian groaned as Sideswipe climbed in her truck's passenger side.

Sideswipe shot her a dirty look before replying. "Because I'm your favorite Autobot?" When she said nothing but raised a brow at him, he sighed. "'Cause Ironaft told me to watch you while he was away."

"Wait, he asked_ you_ to watch me?" She snorted. Yeah, Ironhide was her guardian and somewhat over-protective of her, but _this_ was pure humor. "_You_?"

"Shut up!" Sideswipe groaned, waving a hand at her. "You should be thankful that he has left you in the care of a legend like myself."

"What_ever_," she laughed, shaking her head. She focused her attention out the window as she merged onto the highway. When she got to the speed she desired, Sideswipe noticed her press a button on the gear shift of the truck. Then, he watched as she removed her foot from the gas pedal and to his surprise, the truck maintained the same speed.

"How are you doing that?" He asked curiously.

"What?" She asked, her hands still firmly on the wheel as she guided the truck along the road. "You mean the thing with my foot off the pedal?" He nodded and she continued. "Oh, that's my Cruise Control. I bet you have it in your alternate mode. It basically sets your vehicle at one speed, that way you don't have to keep your foot on the pedal for long periods of time."

"How do you disengage it?" He asked, looking at the button she used to activate it.

She shrugged. "Just tap the brakes. It'll shut off." She laughed. "It's really useful sometimes."

"I'll have to use it sometime," he told her.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Why? You don't even need to have your foot on the pedal for you to go anywhere."

"So?" He asked.

She shook her head, her eyes on the road. "Whatever you say, Sides."

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><p>After Ironhide had gotten back from wherever he was and Sideswipe was able to leave base whenever he pleased, the holoform climbed into his alternate mode and started himself up.<p>

A few minutes later, and he found himself driving on the roads around the city. Sure enough, his alternate mode had the Cruise Control option and he pressed the button. He felt his alternate mode remain at the same speed without him having to do it himself and he decided to get a bit more comfortable during his ride.

Sticking _both_ of his legs out of his window, he pressed his back against the seat, keeping one hand on the wheel to give the illusion that he was driving (in case any pedestrians saw him). With his sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose, his hair whipped in the wind as he continued his ride.

As he drove down a long stretch of road, he grinned to himself when he saw multiple people pointing at him. Some shook their heads while others laughed, snapping pictures.

Unfortunately, he came across a red light after a few minutes of driving with, what he would call, his 'swag', and was forced to stop. As he came to a halt, he mentally groaned to himself when he saw flashes of blue and red coming from behind him.

With a deep sigh, he put both of his feet back inside the Corvette and pulled the car off to the side of the road.

"You are such a moron," Jillian sighed, shaking her head. "Ironhide was up my ass all day; yelling at me and telling me not to ever show you stuff like that again." She couldn't help but laugh. "This is the eleventh time you've gotten pulled over by the cops in three days, you know this, right?"

Sideswipe smirked at her through the brig's metal bars. "Eh, in the end it's still all worth it."

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><p><strong>Not my best work, but Sides is still cute. He might as well live in the brig.<strong>


End file.
